Let me tell you a little something about me: I don’t really have good friends. Who has time for all of that. I don’t have friends. I have Jesse. Jesse has been with me for 15 years almost, since the day she was dropped on my doorstep by a family who didn’t think she was cute enough. Well. Really. Jesse was born in Germany, and has travelled all the way back here to NC with me, and has been my constant companion. Most of the time I don’t even notice she’s there… but when she’s not there, it’s hard not to notice. If that makes any sense.
Today we came home from shopping, and Jesse is limping. We’ve known for a while that she’s been developing some tumors near her shoulder, and today, she’s having issues walking, and panting a lot. She cannot get comfy. She’s breaking my heart. It just may be time…
I didn’t think it would bother me so much.
I figured, I’ve been working up to this for so long, it shouldn’t bother me so much.
But she’s sitting here next to me, on the floor because she refuses to sleep up on the bed with me tonight…which is just not like her at all… and she’s panting and can’t get comfortable, and it’s literally tearing me apart.
Because, for 15 years i’ve just taken for granted that if i needed a cuddle, if my relationships didn’t treat me the way i want them to, if i just need someone to sit next to me and not judge me, she’s there.
So if something happens to Jesse, then what???
It’s going to be a rough night.
For me and for her.